I went back and forth on writing this blog, fully expecting myself to bawl the entire time I wrote it.
At the end of my back and forth, I decided that it may be therapeutic for me. So, excuse my errors throughout this blog. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to revise it. This is more about being human and expressing my emotions than being a correct writer.
Last Saturday morning, my sweet Cody Allen passed away. ☹
I’m still not sure that I’ve comprehended that he is never coming home.
I thought I’d tell you about his life.
October 5th, 2008
On October 5th, 2008, I was in third grade, having my tonsils removed. Both my parents were in the hospital with me and told me if my dad left, we could maybe get another husky! (As our previous husky, Cagney, had died, and we only had our mix, Lacey).
There was one husky male left, and no one wanted him because he had two different-colored eyes – something strangers later gushed about.
There was my dad and one other man who were going to try to get there first. My parents were looking at me, asking if I was okay with my dad leaving.
Of course, I was! Another dog? Yes, yes, yes!
They asked what I wanted to name him. I immediately exclaimed, “Zack, Cody, Cole, or Dylan.” Can anyone guess what show I was obsessed with?
My dad hustled to the dog and later brought back two-month-old Cody.
I was in love.
I had some time off from school for my tonsils and decided to make Cody love me the most. My birthday had been a few weeks prior, so I gave Cody a pillow I had. It was pink and lit up.
He loved it.
After that, Cody and I were always buds! I could give you the details of his life – like when he was hit by a car, ate the front of the couch, or protected his ‘Funky Money’ at all costs – but honestly, I am having a very, very hard time with his passing still.
I felt so silly. He was my dog. Why am I having such a difficult time processing it and mourning?
But, he was part of my childhood. Part of my whole life. He had so much of my heart. It doesn’t have to make sense to others, but for me (and those who get it) it’s been more days than not of crying.
Every morning when I wake up, I struggle to open the curtains. Cody loved my big window and would rush in every morning to stare out of it, which is usually what pulled me out of bed – I couldn’t get them opened fast enough!
In the days before he passed, he’d begun going in the bathroom with me while I got ready. He’d climb into the cabinet under the sink………I think he was looking for stashed candy, or he was just weird per the usual! ❤
I struggled to get a Starbucks drink, ha! As it reminds me of the time, I was driving him to our new house, and he jumped the barrier from the backseat and into my lap while I was on a country road. Causing me to swerve and almost kill me and the three pups! When he finally sat down next to the gas peddle (AHHHHH, the anxiety!!) I went to take a drink from my full latte; however, Cody’s hair was all up in it, lmao.
Cody was the best dog anyone could have ever asked for. It was literally impossible not to love him – he was everyone’s favorite! He’d steal your candy, run through your legs (even if you’re going down the stairs!), he’d drool on you for dairy, and he’d lay his head on you in the most beautiful way.
When he passed unexpectedly, I bawled for hours and hours. Truthfully, I’m sitting here 10 hours before this is posted (I couldn’t stop putting it off) trying to finish this, and I’m just bawling.
But I keep remembering him – even if it hurts! Because all my memories, all my comforts of home, all my childhood, is filled with the love of my big buddy, Cody!
I know that God taking him unexpectedly is such a gift. No one could handle seeing him age, as he was in great shape for being nearly 13!
I know I’ll see him again in Heaven, and I can absolutely not wait! But for now, I know he will be watching over me, doing his silly pounce on all the clouds.
I might night be able to look at a vanilla Oreo without crying, open my curtains without feeling sad, or hear “buddy” again without my hopes flying then crushing. But, I am able to smile at the millions of memories that I have with Cody.
Cody, I miss you, I love you, I’ll be thinking about you, and I’ll see you again someday soon! ❤
Side note: If you do not believe that dogs go to Heaven, please keep that to yourself! 😊 I have read scripture and explanations on it and believe that they do! ❤ Even if you think that is incorrect, we can agree to disagree. Plus, it brings me comfort – why try to argue that and take away some of my peace? Thank you!