A First Date!! SLNW?

The nitty-gritty is finally over! You looked cute every single day, flexed your muscles, wore your good butt jeans, played it cool, or successfully slid in the DM’s.

Now, the time has come: your first date with him or her.

So, like, now what?

First, you’ll have to pick what you wear. You’ll throw your entire closet onto your floor just to conclude nothing is good enough. Maybe you’ll even be like me and try on every pair of jeans to see which one’s hold your thighs in, so they don’t look like a melted popsicle in the movie theater seat. You’ll disregard your mom and friends’ reassurance that you look amazing in the outfit you obsessed over yesterday. When you finally settle on a semi-acceptable outfit, you’ll stress over every accessory, every eyeshadow hue, or all possible scarf pairings. Whatever it may be that you’re stressing over will be fine! Your hair is the right shade, your smile is white enough, and the butterflies aren’t obvious.

To be perfectly honest, your date is probably too worried about their appearance to even notice yours or they’re just oblivious. It’d be a 50/50 chance that my fiancé would even see a minor hair change, and he randomly asks if I’ve changed my hair only out of fear for not noticing (I think)! So, the only person who will notice anything out of place on you is you! But remember, this person thought you were cute enough to go on a date, so no matter what, you’re still cute enough!

Next, you’ll worry about what appropriate car behavior is. It can’t be scarfing down Ted’s buffalo chicken fries with your hands, blaring old Hannah Montana with your jeans unzipped, yelling at the birds to “FREAKING FLY AWAY!” But, can it really be sitting still and listening to some song neither of you enjoy? Like, how do you even know what genre of music they jam to on a first date, unless this is some Lizzie and Gordo type of relationship. When Dawson and I first started talking about music, he told me he listened to “the doors.” There I sat imagining him, opening and closing his car door while driving down 327. “Cool!” I replied, seeing no red flag, and preparing for a unique car ride. (Before you ask, I am now aware this is a band.)

So, my advice would be to ask before the car ride! That’s such a quick text to shoot their way. But if you don’t want to ask, I’d stereotype them! Why not? I’m kidding; there are so many reasons why that isn’t okay. Please do not let this be an “oops, I caught my crush kissing my arch-nemesis, and ran before seeing him push her off” moment. I pray that you read my stereotype comment, followed by me stressing how inappropriate that actually is! If you want to find out inappropriately, just stalk their Apple Music account – it’s as simple as that. Or, better yet, throw on “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. It’s always a winner.

Finally, you’re at the theater (if your first date isn’t at a movie theater, you’re obviously already confident and find this entire blog unrelatable. We cannot all be Beyonce’s – some of us are Toby Fletcher’s.) At the counter is when the most dreaded part of the date comes. You both look in each other’s eyes with utter horror when the one paying finally asks,

“do you want popcorn?” 

Both of you are wishing, praying, hoping that the other one doesn’t. You understand sharing popcorn won’t be a cute, hand-touching moment. Instead, it will be a nightmare. One of you will be pouring butter down the straws to cover every layer, while the other watches. They’ll be staring, knowing it isn’t common knowledge they have a milk allergy. But how can they refuse the popcorn now? They can’t.

Instead, they prepare themselves mentally for an explosive night, praying they won’t have to dart out of the movie.

So, unless you want to leave the theater with an oily face, kernels stuck in your teeth, and popcorn down your shirt, you always say no to popcorn on the first date.

Disclaimer: I always encourage cutting the straws after gushing butter down them. #SaveTheTurtles

After the movie comes to a close, and you’re done panicking about laughing too loud, holding their hand too little or not enough, and looking at your melted-popsicle thighs, it’s time for the car ride home. This is the most natural part of the whole night! You reflect on the movie pointing out your favorite characters and scenes. But when the car’s put into park and your heart starts racing, your mind starts scrambling, and you don’t know what to do: remember what I saw on a commercial at my grandma’s in my childhood.

On the third date, when you walk in the house, stay by the door after it closes because your date will run on the porch, open the door, and passionately kiss you in the pouring snow.

Not really, but that’s what I did expect until I was a sophomore and experienced my first kiss.  That disappointment will be shared in a different blog.

But seriously, just do whatever you’re comfortable with. Only you know what that is. This blog may be relatable to us all on some level, but we all differ. Just have fun, listen to your mom’s advice, and be safe! Wait until after the first date to overthink everything and question,

“So, like, now what?”